witzeforum.de

Im Zeitalter von zuckerfreier Cola mit vollem Geschmack, dem Produkt, das scheinbar zwei widersprüchliche Eigenschaften zu vereinen vermag, und einer Welle von Gammelskandalen steht das Wohlergehen des gemeinen Bürgertums auf des sprichwörtlichen Messers Schneide. Ein Besuch im Betrieb F., dem größten Fleischlieferanten der Bundesrepublik, war daher kaum vermeidbar. Lesen Sie nun die schockierenden und faszinierenden Details dieser Reise.

Es ist ein grauer Montagmorgen, als der raffiniert getarnte Journalistenbus seine vierzig-minütige Fahrt nach R. antritt, der Heimatstadt des Fleischkonzerns F. Der für die Größe des Fahrzeugs viel zu schwache Dieselmotor müht sich sichtlich ab, die steile Schotterpiste zu erklimmen, die uns sicherer als die vermutlich verminte Zufahrtsstraße erschien. Schließlich erreichen wir bei strömendem Regen den gigantischen Schutzwall, der das gewaltige Areal zwiebelförmig umgibt. Der süßliche Geruch verfaulenden Fleisches vermischt sich mit der trüben Oktoberluft ? für die zarteren Gemüter unter uns bereits zu viel, einige stürzen fluchtartig den Hang hinab und verschwinden als hysterisch schreiende Punkte im Nebelschleier. Wir übrig gebliebenen transformieren den Bus nach Anleitung in einen Enterhaken, mit dem wir den zwanzig Meter hohen Westwall ohne nennenswerte Verluste überwinden.

Im Inneren angelangt stehen wir fassungslos vor einer weitläufigen Fläche, deren Boden mit einer flockigen gelben Substanz belegt ist. Es gibt hier keine Gebäude, nur ein kleines grün angestrichenes Gartenhäuschen steht einsam im Zentrum. Es stellt sich als Eisdiele heraus, allein es fehlt der Verkäufer. Dies erscheint uns verdächtig, und wir untersuchen sie genauer. Unter dem Eissortiment entdecken wir einen Abstieg in die Tiefe. Wir werfen einen müden und hastigen Blick hinein.

Ein riesiger unterirdischer Komplex tut sich unter uns auf. Ätzende feucht-warme Luft steigt hinauf. Als sich der Schleier gelegt hat, sehen wir, welch unvorstellbare Dinge sich dort unten abspielen. Auf einem Schienensystem fahren große Wannen mit verwesenden Kalbshälften spiralförmig auf einen überdimensionalen Kessel zu, in dem eine übel riechende braune Suppe köchelt. Die Aufschriften, die mit dem Fernglas erkennbar sind, verheißen nichts Gutes: das Fleisch, das wir hier vor Augen haben, stammt aus Restbeständen des ersten Weltkriegs. Gewissenlose Arbeiter mit Schutzanzügen und Gasmasken formen die abgekühlte Masse zu Spießen, Schnitzeln und Frikadellen.

Der Drang zur Selbstjustiz lässt uns nicht zögern, die gesamte mitgebrachte Ladung Flüssigsprengstoff genüsslich und hastig in den Abgrund zu versprühen. Der anschließenden Zündung, einem Moment des freudigen Erwartens, folgt eine alles zerfetzende Druckwelle, die einen rauchenden Molekülbrei kilometerhoch in die Atmosphäre prügelt. Was als glitzernder Schimmer in einer harmonischen Parabelbahn zurück zur Erde sinkt, erweckt Stolz und Genugtuung in uns, denn hier verglühen die letzten Reste des Gammelimperiums.

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Wem das gefällt, der mag sich vielleicht mein Blog anschauen. Dort gibt es noch viel mehr solcher Texte.

*schnapp*

Naja, habe schon lustigeres gelesen.

Naja, ich denke ich habe hier ins falsche Forum gepostet.
Hier erwartet man eher oberflächliche Schenkelklopfer ...

Und dein Funtext ist der Tiefgang schlechthin...

Über Geschmack lässt sich streiten.
Ich kenne einige Leute, die an solchen Texten Gefallen finden.
Nur um einen Text zu mögen, muss man ihn erst einmal verstehen.

Ich finds auch nicht übermäßig lustig.
Es gibt Texte, bei denen ich echt schon am Boden geflackt bin vor Lachen, aber dein Text ist eher ein Versuch, ,,lustig" zu sein. Es gibt echt bessere Texte als deinen hier, guck dich ruhig mal um stöber ein bisschen hier im Forum oder bei witz-welt.de!

mMn hättest du die Fleischfabrik selbst mehr ausarbeiten sollen. Irgendwie ist der Text an den interessanten Stellen zu schnell zu Ende.

Zu deiner Information, ich bin durchaus in der Lage deutsche Texte zu lesen und zu interpretieren. Und trotzdem hat mich dieser Text nicht vom Hocker gerissen. Lerne mit Kritik zu leben oder frage nicht danach.

hm...ich finds auch nicht wirklich lustig...aber es liese sich bestimmt noch was drauß machen

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